


the loneliness never left me; i always took it with me.

by j_whirl44



Series: Azu Week 2020 [5]
Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, you know what this is about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:20:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26894350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_whirl44/pseuds/j_whirl44
Summary: "You did mention Sasha and if you ever wanted to talk about her...""Don't know if I can."-Azu Week - Day 5: Lost/Found
Relationships: Azu & Zolf Smith
Series: Azu Week 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1961188
Comments: 14
Kudos: 23
Collections: Azu Week 2020





	the loneliness never left me; i always took it with me.

It’s happened once or twice now but sometimes Azu falls asleep in the crow’s nest. It’s never when she’s actually on duty, thankfully, but she does sneak up there sometimes to read or to just lay out and the day gets from her. 

Tonight she wakes because it is freezing and she pulls her coat back on and rubs her hands up and down her arms to create a bit of friction before she stands up and makes her way down to the deck.

She gasps when she sees someone standing at the side; looking up and out into the sky. “Zolf?” she calls out.

He jumps and nearly drops the piece of paper he’s holding in his hands. He’s able to gather it quickly as he presses it back into his pocket. His face looks strained, like he’s trying not to cry. She walks over to him slowly.

“Are you alright?” she asks.

He tries to brush her off with a flip of a hand and a smile that looks forced, “I’m fine. Fine just...just thinking about stuff I guess?” he says. She watches him chew over his words for a moment as he looks up at her. She waits patiently for whatever he’s trying to say, “No...no I promised I’d talk more, yeah? Bloody knows why…” he trails off. She smiles warmly at him. “I was just thinking about- about Sasha,” he finishes.

For whatever reason, she wasn’t expecting that response and it takes the air out from her lungs. “Oh,” she breathes out.

Zolf gives a sad smile, “Yeah. Yeah, I uh, I kept the letter. From Japan. I don’t know why I did really just...she would’ve loved this huh?” he says.

Azu turns out towards the sky and stares into it. Since Wilde read out the letter she really hasn’t had a chance to think about Sasha. The shock of the news mixed with the fast moving pace of all of them packing up and heading out means she didn’t get a chance to settle with it. Now that the time is seemingly here she’s not sure what to do.

“She did talk about being on an airship before. How she got to fly it?” Azu says.

Zolf laughs and gives a smile that is almost genuine, “Yeah...she did in theory, uh, Earhart, Earhart took to her quick and showed her the wheel within minutes of us taking off...it was a different time for all of us back then,” he says. His voice trails off at the end and she gives a thoughtful hum.

“Is the letter what you were holding earlier,” she asks.

Zolf lets out a long sigh and he nods as he reaches into his pocket. He pulls out the now very wrinkled piece of paper. The black wax seal is still faintly visible. “Do you mind if I…” Azu begins.

Zolf hands it to her without hesitation, “Of course. It was addressed to all of us, right?” he says.

She nods graciously and carefully takes it. She opens it with a quiet reverence as she skims over the words.

***

_‘It’s been so long that you all speak Latin in my dreams…’_

‘Grizzop took a spear that was meant for me, and then he took more…’  
 _  
_ ‘I found a home and a friend…’

_‘Azu is my best locksmith…’_

_‘Sometimes you can’t save the world, but you can save a person…’_

_***_

“Oh,” she breathes out and she doesn’t know she’s crying until Zolf grabs her hand in his squeezes and when she looks at him his face is blurry.

“Yeah…” Zolf says. He’s trying with all his will to keep his own tears at bay and Azu just looks at him to try and convey that it's okay to let it out. He gives her a shaky smile and squeezes her hand again. “What was she like...after everything,” he asks, his voice crackles with emotion.

Azu sucks in a breath and closes her eyes, “She was good, Zolf. She healed. She...she was one of the strongest people I...I knew,” she says; the past tense lingers on her tongue with a bad taste but she bites it down.

Zolf smiles and nods his head. “There were some nights, after I left in Prague, where I almost just dropped everything and came back. I-I told her I’d be there for her to help her, and then I wasn’t. I-I wasn’t strong enough to stay, and I don’t regret leaving as a whole. Just some parts of it I guess,” he explains. She’s not sure how to respond to that, but she doesn’t need to because he continues on, “and gods when I left. She was...so understanding. She didn’t try and fight me. Didn’t curse me out or call me a coward. She said I had every right to do it. She was the best of all of us,” he says.

Azu takes a moment and then hands the letter back to Zolf. He takes it with thanks and gently puts it away. “She was,” she agrees.

She thinks back to the planar shift. How out of touch it felt. Some nights her hand that held Grizzop still burns with regret and as she thinks about it now as it starts up again while it’s held in Zolf’s. She squeezes. “Grizzop too. Those two were good for one another. They...I’m glad he was at least there for her. In the end…” she says.

Zolf bristles at that, but he lets it pass on quickly, “I obviously didn’t know him, but I’m glad,” he says.

Azu laughs a little at that, “From what I’ve seen out of both of you, you would have butted heads on a lot of things,” she jokes.

Zolf smiles, “Probably. I have that effect on people sometimes,” he says.

Azu laughs. It’s a small moment of happiness during a moment of reflection and even though it doesn’t hurt as much when she thinks about those two anymore on her own, it’s nice to have someone else to talk to about it.

“She never hated you, Zolf. I...hope you know that,” she blurts out.

Thanks what breaks him. It’s not like a dam bursting, but she finally sees some tears trickle out. She kneels down and pulls him into a hug, he accepts as he holds on tight.

They stay embraced for a long time, quietly grieving for their fallen friends. It’s a nice moment, that they can both deny ever happened if they choose to. She lets out a long sigh as they pull away from each other.

“Thank you, Azu, I, uh, should go but...thank you. If I need,” he pauses, “If there’s ever a chance to…” he bites his lip and trails off his sentence.

Azu smiles, “Yes,” she says simply.

Zolf gives her a smile and a quick nod, “thank you,” he says again.

He turns and leaves. Azu stays back and stares out a little bit longer. Her necklace glows and she wraps one hand around and clings to it. She feels Aphrodite’s comfort and it helps ground her. She smiles.

When she returns to her quarters, she quietly lights two candles.


End file.
